When I Grow Up...

Everyone has a story that begins, "When I grow up I wanna be a..."  When I played as a child, I had a little bit of a different outlook on life.  When I grew up I wanted to be rich.  I didn't want to be a fireman, or an astronaut, or the next president (even though i knew i would have been an awesome president) I just wanted to have a lot of money so I could buy whatever I wanted.  Clothes, shoes, cars, purses, you name it, I wanted it.  Anything but my brother's and sister's hand-me-downs.  Blank Check was a favorite movie of mine. You know the one about the kid who forges a check from the bad guy who is dumb enough to give a 12 year old a blank check for running over his bike?  There is a great moral at the end of the story about how money can't buy you happiness, but I just looked over that and focused on all the toys he got to buy!  It was awesome and I wanted to be as rich as he was.  

Reality always kicks in after one of my fantasies about 10 years after the fact.  I am 25 now, living off of support from sponsors and trying my hand at believing God has everything in control.  He is bigger than I am and I am trusting that He has everything under control. I'm not living paycheck to paycheck, because if you have a paycheck you know it's coming.  I'm living literally one day at a time.  But for what?  I have been trying to find my purpose here in Honduras since I arrived.  What am I doing here?  Why can't I be at home making the big bucks at a design firm? 

Now don't get me wrong... I've been busy.  I have worked on vacation bible schools, started English classes with the staff and San Luis Church, built up the website, Sent out news letters, and done everyday tasks that the mission has asked of me.  I have been SUPER busy, but I'm not sure that any of those things are why I'm supposed to be here.  I guess I still want to be rich, but not monetarily... more like rich in the fact that I have a goal and a purpose here.  I'm useful here, and I would go ahead and say I've been helpful, but I need to know the bigger picture.

With my upcoming nuptials (did I mention I was getting MARRIED!?!), I'm finding it difficult to focus on the here and now.  Planning a wedding is hard work so they say... Try doing it from another country!  

I'm being distracted. 

So, this blog is for a prayer request.  

Pray that God can get my mind back on the task at hand.  For that matter, pray I will let him! I need to find my purpose here.  I need to figure out what I'm here for and what my role is.  Will it be to help with church plants, start a school, or figure out some kind of sponsorship program within the states? Am I being too impatient?  When Tyler and I come back, what will our purpose be?  Am I supposed to be figuring that out now?

Please pray for me today.  I'm feeling a bit unsettled...   

But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. -James 1:6-8