Gun Shots Fired.

This week has been a culmination of the good, the bad, and the ugly. Oh, and the frickin' crazy! I've been struggling with finding my purpose here in Honduras, being reassured that I'm meant to be here, worrying about future plans, being reminded about the things I gave up at home, dealing with Honduras botox (I've had three allergic reactions to bug spray), and this entire busy, hectic week just ended with a bang. A literal pow.

A quick back ground: San Lorenzo is a small village in the South. It is a family community. Everyone is related to everyone (and i'm not being sarcastic) and there is trouble in River City with a capital T and it has nothing to do with pool! There was a recent murder in the family. One cousin killed another cousin and split the family apart. Everyone has taken a side and because of the situation and the poverty in San Lorenzo there is no place to escape the fight. Everyone is constantly on guard. Sisters and brother's don't speak to each other when they pass each other on the street and the poor mother is about to literally die of heart ache.

This evening at church where the family attends, tempers were flaring as they discussed a change in leadership. The family delima was brought into the church as both sides tried to make their elected person the one with the most responsibility and in a wave of fury, someone shot off his pistol. Talk about your family feud!

Here is the weirdest part...

I felt nothing.

I felt calm.

I felt collected.

My life didn't flash before my eyes.

I felt like it wasn't real.

There was some deranged hombre with a gun and I was ok with it?

I didn't feel like I was in danger, I just felt sorry for everyone there. Mothers were clutching their children and calling out for "la sangria de cristo." The matriarch of the family fainted. The men were trying to figure out who was going to confront this obviously unstable man with a gun and secure the situation and I just sat there with Fernando on my lap and began to tell him the creation story and Adam and Eve.

I tried to pray.

I wasn't sure what I was supposed to pray for because it was like I was out of my body; almost like I didn't really know what was going on because I wasn't really there.

By the time I got to the part in the story where Adam and Eve had Cain and Able it was all over. The gun was in safe hands and everyone had calmed down. Edgardo was singing outside of the church a praise song and others began to join him. The women of the church helped the mother to her feet and soon everyone piled in the truck and we were taking people home.

On the way home, my mind came back to my body.

I had no fear because God didn't allow me to have a spirit of fear (Timothy, you old man you!) I learned that verse when I was little and today, after hiding that word in my heart, I subconsciously used it.

I felt sorry for everyone because I love the people of Honduras. I was able to tell Fernando a story because I was powerful enough to be a distraction for him and I didn't go freaking out on everyone because my mind was sound enough and was trusting God enough to know whatever happens, He is allowing! It was a HUGE light bulb.

This weeks events were crazy and I'm exhausted, but I have found peace about not knowing my future and I have found peace about not knowing what my purpose is going to be here. I know I'm here and I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be. God has given me a sound mind and with that, I will make the best decisions I can and trust him for the rest... You'd think I would have mastered this by now!?! I'm learning slowly...

PS: I don't want to tell Him how to do His job or anything but, I have just a little shout out to the Man upstairs... Next life lesson, can we please do it without the gun? I'm just sayin'...

For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7