Saturday, February 26, 2011

Gun Shots Fired.

This week has been a culmination of the good, the bad, and the ugly. Oh, and the frickin' crazy! I've been struggling with finding my purpose here in Honduras, being reassured that I'm meant to be here, worrying about future plans, being reminded about the things I gave up at home, dealing with Honduras botox (I've had three allergic reactions to bug spray), and this entire busy, hectic week just ended with a bang. A literal pow.
A quick back ground: San Lorenzo is a small village in the South. It is a family community. Everyone is related to everyone (and i'm not being sarcastic) and there is trouble in River City with a capital T and it has nothing to do with pool! There was a recent murder in the family. One cousin killed another cousin and split the family apart. Everyone has taken a side and because of the situation and the poverty in San Lorenzo there is no place to escape the fight. Everyone is constantly on guard. Sisters and brother's don't speak to each other when they pass each other on the street and the poor mother is about to literally die of heart ache.
This evening at church where the family attends, tempers were flaring as they discussed a change in leadership. The family delima was brought into the church as both sides tried to make their elected person the one with the most responsibility and in a wave of fury, someone shot off his pistol. Talk about your family feud!
Here is the weirdest part...
I felt nothing.
I felt calm.
I felt collected.
My life didn't flash before my eyes.
I felt like it wasn't real.
There was some deranged hombre with a gun and I was ok with it?
I didn't feel like I was in danger, I just felt sorry for everyone there. Mothers were clutching their children and calling out for "la sangria de cristo." The matriarch of the family fainted. The men were trying to figure out who was going to confront this obviously unstable man with a gun and secure the situation and I just sat there with Fernando on my lap and began to tell him the creation story and Adam and Eve.
I tried to pray.
I wasn't sure what I was supposed to pray for because it was like I was out of my body; almost like I didn't really know what was going on because I wasn't really there.
By the time I got to the part in the story where Adam and Eve had Cain and Able it was all over. The gun was in safe hands and everyone had calmed down. Edgardo was singing outside of the church a praise song and others began to join him. The women of the church helped the mother to her feet and soon everyone piled in the truck and we were taking people home.
On the way home, my mind came back to my body.
I had no fear because God didn't allow me to have a spirit of fear (Timothy, you old man you!) I learned that verse when I was little and today, after hiding that word in my heart, I subconsciously used it.
I felt sorry for everyone because I love the people of Honduras. I was able to tell Fernando a story because I was powerful enough to be a distraction for him and I didn't go freaking out on everyone because my mind was sound enough and was trusting God enough to know whatever happens, He is allowing! It was a HUGE light bulb.
This weeks events were crazy and I'm exhausted, but I have found peace about not knowing my future and I have found peace about not knowing what my purpose is going to be here. I know I'm here and I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be. God has given me a sound mind and with that, I will make the best decisions I can and trust him for the rest... You'd think I would have mastered this by now!?! I'm learning slowly...
PS: I don't want to tell Him how to do His job or anything but, I have just a little shout out to the Man upstairs... Next life lesson, can we please do it without the gun? I'm just sayin'...

For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Friday, February 25, 2011

When I Grow Up...

Everyone has a story that begins, "When I grow up I wanna be a..."  When I played as a child, I had a little bit of a different outlook on life.  When I grew up I wanted to be rich.  I didn't want to be a fireman, or an astronaut, or the next president (even though i knew i would have been an awesome president) I just wanted to have a lot of money so I could buy whatever I wanted.  Clothes, shoes, cars, purses, you name it, I wanted it.  Anything but my brother's and sister's hand-me-downs.  Blank Check was a favorite movie of mine. You know the one about the kid who forges a check from the bad guy who is dumb enough to give a 12 year old a blank check for running over his bike?  There is a great moral at the end of the story about how money can't buy you happiness, but I just looked over that and focused on all the toys he got to buy!  It was awesome and I wanted to be as rich as he was.  
Reality always kicks in after one of my fantasies about 10 years after the fact.  I am 25 now, living off of support from sponsors and trying my hand at believing God has everything in control.  He is bigger than I am and I am trusting that He has everything under control. I'm not living paycheck to paycheck, because if you have a paycheck you know it's coming.  I'm living literally one day at a time.  But for what?  I have been trying to find my purpose here in Honduras since I arrived.  What am I doing here?  Why can't I be at home making the big bucks at a design firm? 
Now don't get me wrong... I've been busy.  I have worked on vacation bible schools, started English classes with the staff and San Luis Church, built up the website, Sent out news letters, and done everyday tasks that the mission has asked of me.  I have been SUPER busy, but I'm not sure that any of those things are why I'm supposed to be here.  I guess I still want to be rich, but not monetarily... more like rich in the fact that I have a goal and a purpose here.  I'm useful here, and I would go ahead and say I've been helpful, but I need to know the bigger picture.
With my upcoming nuptials (did I mention I was getting MARRIED!?!), I'm finding it difficult to focus on the here and now.  Planning a wedding is hard work so they say... Try doing it from another country!  
I'm being distracted. 
So, this blog is for a prayer request.  
Pray that God can get my mind back on the task at hand.  For that matter, pray I will let him! I need to find my purpose here.  I need to figure out what I'm here for and what my role is.  Will it be to help with church plants, start a school, or figure out some kind of sponsorship program within the states? Am I being too impatient?  When Tyler and I come back, what will our purpose be?  Am I supposed to be figuring that out now?
Please pray for me today.  I'm feeling a bit unsettled...   

But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. -James 1:6-8

Thursday, February 17, 2011

My little "Mentee"

While I'm working in Honduras, I'm trying my very best to stay connected to the states.  I've gained a huge support system and really learned to appreciate the relationships I've made (and somehow kept) over the past 25 years.  Family and friends that have been close to me and still put up with me are the most important part of my life!  Communication is hard and sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own lives that we forget to maintain, or as in most cases, just don't find the time to maintain.  We are all guilty of it so don't be searching for specs in others eyes!
That being said, I would like to share a relationship with you that began a few months ago. When I first met Katie, she was kind of quite... weird looking back on that now, because she is the exact opposite "in real life"! As our relationship formed I was able to watch her personality blossom. She is one of the most outgoing and crazy girls I know! But where her personality is strongest is her love for people.  Katie is a little girl... She's about a size -14, and has the height to match it, but her heart was made for a 400 lb. grown man! God gave her a heart for missions and he gave her a heart for His own.  
This week, after some counseling, Katie decided to put her passion into action. Amor Es El Solo Linguaje is a foundation that she is starting to raise support for the people of Honduras. (Did I mention she is in high school? Amazing right?) This Non-Profit will donate school supplies and other necessities to underprivileged children in the roughest parts of Tegucigalpa. Working with Mision Caribe, she hopes to make an impact from the states until God places her full time somewhere.  This endeavor will help her build organization skills, communication skills, maintain relationships, and allow her to serve while still being able to finish her education. 
To me this story is inspiring. How many of us keep making excuses and don't make time to grow and maintain relationships? Did I mention she was 15?!?!
If you have any contacts for shipping, know any  other organizations that she could partner with, or want to donate to this cause, email me at Never take the children around us for granted. 9 times out of 10 they are doing greater works that we are!

And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. -Matthew 18:2-6 ESV