I was babysitting yesterday and while the kids were doing their homework, I happened upon an Andy Stanley book, Fields of Gold, or Golden Fields (I honestly can't remember.) It was about giving and taking the wealth that God gave you in the first place and using it to further His kingdom. No brainer right? You just take out all the "what if's" that you face in life and just know that God has got it under control. I left the house that night and headed straight to Walmart knowing that my money is God's money. I don't need to worry about anything and when He says give, it's already taken care of. I know when to listen and I always act when God tells me to... Wrong.
The very first opportunity I had to give, I hesitated... Big time. As I got to the register, I overheard a couple behind me arguing because they, "didn't bring any money." Some how wires got crossed and he thought she would bring money because his checking account was overdrawn. I just stared at them... Literally, I got caught.
Now, I'm broke. I don't have a bunch of money, but I have been blessed with few bills and not much responsibility during this time of transition. I had enough money to cover what was in their cart. I felt this tug at my heart and that still small voice that we always search for was SCREAMING at me... It wasn't still or small and I hesitated!! After staring at them for about a minute or so, I finally asked the cashier to add a gift card to my order and give it to the couple behind me. As I was making the transaction, the couple left their cart and headed for the door. The computer/Betty, the cashier, picked that time to crack under the pressure of a time crunch and fumbled the transaction! I stood there and watched as the couple walked out the door empty handed and Betty, with the delayed gift card, chase them down.
She didn't make it.
We stood outside and looked at every car drive by, but they had vanished into the night air. I asked Betty to keep the card and pass it on to the next person who might need it. I then walked to the Swagger Wagon and cried all the way home, because I knew that I messed up.
God really doesn't ask that much of us. Just total loyalty and obedience. I consider that to be a fair trade and here I am mucking it all up! I have to take this one as a life lesson. When God asks me next time to sacrifice, I'll do it! Hopefully, there will be none of this hesitation crap in my mind. I have a roof over my head, food in my belly and more things than most people in the world will have in their entire life. My whole life is being devoted to trusting God to provide for me! I'm moving to Honduras! I'm trusting God is going to provide the money for my missions. How can I expect to ask Him for money when I won't even give away what money He's given me?? Money troubles really are the Devil's playground and I'll have no part of it!! No more hesitations.
Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. -2 Corinthians 9:6-7
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