I have a fear of public speaking and or singing. It started when I was a freshman in high school. My bother had a band called Vintage Walk and they asked me to sing a song to take up some time. They were putting on a concert for the community to raise money for something or just for the heck of it... Don't really remember which one it was. I sang a song by The Cars. Every time I hear this song to date, I get sick to my stomach. I got up on stage and started to sing, but the voice that was coming out of my head was not my own... It was some strange, out of tune, chalkboard on nails type vibrations that I will never forget. after the train wreck occurred, I ran up to the stadium bathroom and lost my $1.50 hot dog... Needless to say, I never sang in public again. Just the thought of being on a stage, having everyone look at me causes self inflicted pits stains and nausea.
Enter God...
Two Sundays ago I was sitting in church, minding my own business, when God had the nerve to start speaking to me! I didn't ask Him to that Sunday, swear! Just because my life is changing doesn't mean I need him to start messing with my head yet! He knows about The Cars; He was there, I'm sure, and yet there was this voice or instinct (I can't really describe the phenomena of God speaking directly to you.) I knew that I had something to say. I knew I had a story to share that went along with the "You" series we were having at Vision, our church. I knew I had to speak at church and I was really quite ticked that God would ask me to do that! I ignored Him. I had to because the thought of people listening to what I had to say didn't make any sense in my head or stomach! It was inevitable though. God was going to have His way with me, because that is the lifestyle that I've consciously chosen to live. I told our speaker I had a message for Sunday and he was really excited to let me speak... Obviously.
After a week of preparation, fasting and people constantly praying over me, Sunday arrived. Surprisingly I was so calm right before the service started!
Enter Satan...
Everything that could've gone wrong right before I went up to speak did. Songs were played out of order, there were distractions in the audience, and the ice machine, our lead guitarist, being the accident prone person he is, didn't fail to make a scene as he found his seat... It was terrible... Until I let go.
I realized Sunday that When God asks you to do something, He doesn't make the request and then peace out! He was there the entire time! I can't really tell you the exact words that come out of my mouth (my self blacked out), but I know that God said what He needed to through me. God takes us out of out comfort zone and places us in an uncomfortable zone so we can focus on Him and not our fears. It sucks at first (I still sweated through my jacket Sunday, but kept down my Krispy Kreme) but the rewards are great! Unlike my vocal incident, I got a ton of positive feed back! God will never put you in a situation you can't handle! I hope it's the last time I have to speak in public, but I seriously doubt that's the last of it... (sigh... :/ )
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. -1 Corithians 10:13
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